In Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus uses a parable about a man going off on a journey, leaving in his servants' care vast but varying amounts of money, to symbolize our service to God. And this once zealous witness realizes that she has been the "wicked, lazy servant" who was entrusted with the least.
I guess part of the reason that I don't witness to strangers as much anymore is that I don't know how. Or I tell myself that as a cop-out. Like, tracts or stupid formulas? Or relationships, that ever-preached key to the heart? What baout the people you pass every day? No relationship is going to come out of that... On the other hand, I would be rolling my eyes at an eager practitioner spelling out "the Bridge." I don't expect, especially in a city known for its artistic and intellectual culture, that sucha childish approach would really succeed in communicating anything to very many of its inhabitants.
But what about the people that I do have relationships with? Somehow, I feel like since my ministry to strangers has diminished, so has my ministry to loved ones. I can't see myself speaking Christ into any of my current relationships, aside from, maybe, my relationship with my boyfriend in which we both agree that we have especially neglected our mutual spiritual growth.
I am controlled by my fear. The "wicked, lazy servant" of this parable was controlled by his fear, too. He knew that his master was a "hard man" -- I honestly don't know what to make of the parts about harvesting where he didn't sow, other than maybe taking credit for or benefit from something he didn't do. (Which is something that you could probably feel like if you don't have your head on straight about God's activity among humanity. I mean, what all does He do around here, anyway? :guffaws: )
I know that I need change. I need prayer. And things have been getting better. But, as recent events have shown, I am still more apt to willfully submit to my fear rather than my Lord. If anyone is actually reading this, please pray that I can learn to obey no matter what foreseen -- or unforeseen) difficulties may be. Jesus bless you.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Introduction to Honesty
This blog is intended to be a personal journal for my thoughts. I created it based on a sudden inspiration while I was reading David Kinnaman's book unChristian.
I am not even halfway through this book and it has inspired a very personal journey for me already, causing me to reflect on many attitudes that seem to stem from a lack of the honesty that I value but struggle to maintain.
Our culture is very image-driven. We think nothing of living two lives -- one that faces the outside world, and one that we keep to ourselves and, perhaps, our closest confidantes. Even I think nothing of using every possible advantage to make my resume look good or to get that revered 4.0 in school. (There are so many corners that kids cut to get A's without outright cheating...)
I have slipped. I have slipped into the two-facedness that I once rejected. I have been judgmental and mistrusting of those around me. I have maintained the "I-have-it-all-together" image for the world to see while I was miserable inside this past year. And it was miserable.
Often we church people think that we have to be perfect -- or seem perfect -- to show what Jesus is doing in our lives and help point people to Him. This can lead to the two-facedness of which I speak -- the cover-up of sin. But God calls us to be honest. "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, God, who is faithful and just, will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteouness." - 1 John 1:5
But the best, most loving thing I can do for you, the people I love, is see the sin and the misery and the depression inside of me. I am not perfect. (Cliches are cliche for a reason.) And I do not have it all together. I am being restored by my Creator, but you can't see it unless I show you.
Do you have a backpack? A pulpit? A poem? A pen? These are journey tools. Come with me. When I slip into hiding, pull me into the light.
I am not even halfway through this book and it has inspired a very personal journey for me already, causing me to reflect on many attitudes that seem to stem from a lack of the honesty that I value but struggle to maintain.
Our culture is very image-driven. We think nothing of living two lives -- one that faces the outside world, and one that we keep to ourselves and, perhaps, our closest confidantes. Even I think nothing of using every possible advantage to make my resume look good or to get that revered 4.0 in school. (There are so many corners that kids cut to get A's without outright cheating...)
I have slipped. I have slipped into the two-facedness that I once rejected. I have been judgmental and mistrusting of those around me. I have maintained the "I-have-it-all-together" image for the world to see while I was miserable inside this past year. And it was miserable.
Often we church people think that we have to be perfect -- or seem perfect -- to show what Jesus is doing in our lives and help point people to Him. This can lead to the two-facedness of which I speak -- the cover-up of sin. But God calls us to be honest. "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, God, who is faithful and just, will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteouness." - 1 John 1:5
But the best, most loving thing I can do for you, the people I love, is see the sin and the misery and the depression inside of me. I am not perfect. (Cliches are cliche for a reason.) And I do not have it all together. I am being restored by my Creator, but you can't see it unless I show you.
Do you have a backpack? A pulpit? A poem? A pen? These are journey tools. Come with me. When I slip into hiding, pull me into the light.
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